Saturday, September 30, 2006

save yourself a trip

Despite what their website & phone operators say, the Legal Aid Foundation of Los Angeles, DOES NOT provide assistance to individuals who have been denied benefits. Legal aid will assist those whose benefits have been cutoff. Having known these details I wouldn't have asked my friend to drive me to their offices.


The Government Benefits unit advocates on behalf of low-income people who have difficulties obtaining, or are denied, government benefits, including:

CalWORKs (formerly known as AFCDC)
Food Stamps
Foster Care
Medi-Cal, Medicare and other healthcare programs
Social Security
In Home Supportive Services
General Relief

Here are some photos from the trip.

Am I the only one scared by this billboard?

Ronald's house is now a Taco stand.

Apparently, we have all been shampoozeled. Glad I saw the sign.

One day I'll eat a taco at every stand, shack & truck on Washington Blvd.

maginot line

The fence is going up. Does anyone who voted for this billion dollar boondoggle actually think the fence will improve boarder safety or for that matter that boarder security is such a pressing concern? I can already see the news magazine expose, "So after ten years and 6 billion dollars there are still 500 miles of fence left to go up and many close to the project doubt it will ever be completed. Allegations of fraud and illegal payoffs swirl around the project. And then there's the fact that the fence simply doesn't work."

Flash forward another 50 years. "In what is truly an historic day the first section of the wall that once separated Mexico & the United States is being torn down today."

Border Barrier Approved
The bill, which calls for 700 miles of fence and beefed-up enforcement, easily clears the Senate. It does not include a guest worker program.
Nicole Gaouette, LA Times, 9/30/06

"Estimates of the cost of construction of 700 miles of fencing range from $2 billion to $9 billion, so Congress will need to allocate more money for the project in future years."

Where is this money going to come from?

"Fencing over about 90 miles now runs along the border with Mexico. Some secondary fencing has been installed 50 to 200 yards north of the border around San Diego and Tucson."

"The Secure Fence Act specifies that fencing extend 10 miles to the east and west of Tecate, Calif., and from 10 miles west of Calexico, Calif., to five miles east of Douglas, Ariz."

"In other areas, the fencing would start five miles west of Columbus, N.M., and extend to 10 miles east of El Paso; extend from five miles northwest of Del Rio, Texas, to five miles southeast of Eagle Pass, Texas; and from 15 miles northwest of Laredo, Texas, to Brownsville, Texas."

I'm confused will there be gaps in the fence or does the Secure Fence Act close the existing gaps creating a solid wall from Baja to the Gulf of Mexico?

"As the graffic clearly shows, we ARE safe."
~Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff

Ahhhh, now it's clear Mr. Secretary. Your CV fleshes it out for me. Real estate scandals, homeland security, I see the overlap.

"From 1994 to 1996, he served as Special Counsel for the U.S. Senate Whitewater Committee."

It's two thousand and six, are we really going to erect a 700 mile fence?

How far apart will the guard towers be?

Field Trip

Took the leg out to Venice Beach this week for some air.

what year is it? who's president?

"He was laughing, but the laughter was affectionate, the way it usually was when people who liked the president contemplated his intellectual deficiencies. It was like they were proud of him, like it was a point in America's favor that a man of such dim wattage could get himself elected to the highest office in the land."
~ Danny reflecting on President Reagan in Tom Perrotta's book Joe College

Friday, September 29, 2006


tell me more

As the Access van barreled down the highway at 80 mph my eyes caught a glimpse & I wondered . . .

Molten anything sounds evil/capable of destruction. Magma, liquid rock, crazy!

Auto Pawn
$$ Cash in 15 Minutes

Right next to the airport, in the flight path actually. A scene from a movie, the guy on the run pawns his car as a plane passes over. If only life were that dramatic, that seedy, a Steve McQueen movie, a British gangster flick. Inject some filth into your life.

Ely Jr's Pumping
Sanitation Systems

I guess he always went by Ely Jr.

What do you do? I see your name all over town. Every product they sell is tagged:

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

Please, remind me why am I taking it. Oh, that's right, it's good for me.

Be a distributor Herbalife offers golden business opportunities.

I bet. "See all this, the house, the cars, Herbalife paid for it all."

Thursday, September 28, 2006

the people's motorcycle

I like your bike comrade.

The Russian made Ural.

"On-demand sidecar drive. Switch from single- to dual-wheel drive with the flip of a lever."

"amaze your friends with the motorcycle's ability to blaze through mud, sand and snow..."

Check out the rigs in Death Valley.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


Track and field line judge Lia Mara Lourenco is helped after a javelin hit her in her foot during 'Brazil Trophy,' a national track and field competition, in Sao Paulo, Brazil, Sunday, Sept. 24, 2006. (AP Photo/Jonne Roriz, Agencia Estado)

How does an accident like this happen? Did she loose the javelin in the sun? Was there an errant throw? Was the poor woman running around trying to avoid the oncoming pilum?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

it grows where ?

Prewashed, peeled, chopped & sealed. Americans are pretty disconnected from their food.

Friday, September 22, 2006

you were doing great & then

I feel coooool in my new shades.

I don't feel so cooooool strappin' the handy carrying case that Arnett supplied.

I can't wait to put the stickers on my lunch box.

anybody got a 10 & 1/2 right ?

If my foot remains as swollen as it is (and who could blame it after having been so rudely separated from it's friend the leg), my feet will have different shoe sizes.

I wonder if there is a website where people can exchange shoes, say I need an 11 for righty but a 10 for lefty and somebody needs the opposite. There should be a network of shoe swapping.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

always on the right side

Edward Woodward (OBE)

The Equalizer

Wicker Man

Forget Nick Coppola see the original.

Synopsis: When a young girl mysteriously disappears, police sergeant Howie (Edward Woodward) travels to a remote Scottish island to investigate. But this pastoral community, led by the strange Lord Summerisle (Christopher Lee), is not at all what it seems. Before long, the devout Christian detective uncovers a secret society of wanton lust and pagan blasphemy.

Yes, the Equalizer battles Saruman.

real life Amelie

Man's lost gnome attends Steelers game

AP, 9/20/06
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. --Allen Snyder's garden gnome is apparently out of jail and now traveling the country. The 14-inch tall red-and-white statue disappeared from Snyder's Morgantown yard in the spring, and Snyder has since received three letters claiming to have been written by "Gnomey."

shopping spree

via Troy

The following items are available on amazon from third party seller be wild. Quite a diverse product line.

Glow in the Dark Gloves

"The gloves are designed for signing in the dark, however, you can get creative and find other uses for the glove."

Talking Vibrator

Beer Blaster Bong

"Guaranteed fun for everyone!! Great for dorm room parties, fraternities, sororities, homework breaks, you name it. Holds over 2 beers!!"

Head Rush Can Beer Bong

"It can empty any 12 ounce can in less than 3 seconds. It is very easy to use, simply open the can , and snap it on. It is a gravity powered beverage dispensing system. Awesome for parties!(Not Intended for alcohol)"

Ahh, you might wanna change the name & photo.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

from the hip

The New Yorker
, profiled Bill Clinton in it's September 18th issue.

Here are some highlights.

Clinton on global warming: "But we need to make fixing climate change as politically sexy as putting a man on the moon."

Clinton's assessment John Kerry's campaign: "like a deer in the headlights."

Clinton on the puppet master: "I am sick of Karl Rove's bullshit."

Clinton on the current regime: "Nixon was a Communist compared to this crowd."

The government spent $70 million investigating the Whitewater case !? And American children went hungry !?!?

The author, David Remnick on Clinton's clothing: "In political circles, this particular look (olive and khaki clothing) is called disaster casual."

Clinton recalling a crocodile: "That boy was as wide as my wingspan, I swear to God!"

Clinton on Boris Yeltsin: "I don't care how drunk he was sometimes, Yeltsin really hated Communism."

Clinton on warfare: "trapped in the age-old illusion that somehow we can lift ourselves up through violence."

Elaine Kamarck former Clinton staffer on battling the Republican slime machine: "You can't imagine Hillary going through weeks of Swift Boat attacks and letting them go unanswered."

Clinton on Rwandan President, Paul Kagame's cattle: "A-ma-zing"

Clinton on W & HW: "I think both he and his father, because they have peculiar speech patterns, have been underestimated in terms of their intellectual capacity. You know, the way they speak ad all, it could be just relate to the way the synapses work in their brains."

Nahh Bill I think the intelligence has been pegged just right at delta & epsilon. You golf with senior, how's this gonna go over?

Clinton on the Bush administration's post invasion plan for Iraq: "was the sort of thing two students of international relations could have thrown together in forty five minutes."

Clinton on bonobo apes: "When one of them makes a kill, they share the food, unlike all the other apes, they fall down to the ground and have group sex! It's a way of relieving aggression! . . . would drive the Christian right crazy! Hillary used to read Archaeology and she told me all about this stuff."

Mr. President, have you been drinking?

From the Chicago Tribune: "Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert, began his career in congress with a net worth of three hundred thousand dollars and now has assets of six million dollars, owing largely to an almost fantastical increase in the value of land near a highway project that he helped push through congress."

Soon to be another disgraced speaker? Why is this crook still in office?

Monday, September 18, 2006

expensive vacation

Lift-off for woman space tourist

BBC, 9/18/06

"Ms Ansari, a 40-year-old US citizen, is thought to have paid at least $20m (£10.6m) for the mission."

Bon Voyage Ms. Ansari. You've slipped the surly bonds of earth. I am quite jealous, hopefully Richard Branson & his team at Virgin Galactic will be able to lower the fare by a few million.

your employment offer has been rescinded

Woman pleads guilty in fake penis case
AP, 9/15/06

"A woman pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in connection with a bizarre incident in February that resulted in a fake penis being microwaved at a convenience store."

"The two stopped at a GetGo! convenience store and, after wrapping the device in a paper towel, asked a store clerk to heat it up in a microwave, police said. Authorities said they believe Creighton wanted the device heated so the urine inside would be at body temperature during the drug test."

Might I suggest an easier solution. Available in Orange & Tropical flavors. No microwave required.

add another verse to me & paul

Willie Nelson cited for drug possession
AP, 9/18/06

"During a search of the bus, Williams say approximately 1 1/2 pounds of marijuana and approximately 2/10 of a pound of mushrooms were located on the bus."

"It's an act of cool wit that Countryman prominently features a marijuana leaf on the album cover-- although many chain stores are stocking the tamer version, which features a palm tree." - Stephen M. Deusner -

Me & Paul
Willie Nelson

It's been rough and rocky travelin',
But I'm finally standin' upright on the ground.
After takin' several readings,
I'm surprised to find my mind`s still fairly sound.

I guess Nashville was the roughest,
But I know I said the same about them all.
We received our education
In the cities of the nation, me and Paul.

Almost busted in Laredo,
But for reasons that I'd rather not disclose,
But if you're stayin' in a motel there and leave,
Just don't leave nothin' in your clothes.

And at the airport in Milwaukee,
They refused to let us board the plane at all,
They said we looked suspicious,
But I believe they like to pick on me and Paul.

I guess Nashville was the roughest,
But I know I said the same about them all.
We received our education
In the cities of the nation, me and Paul.

premature conclusions

With two weeks in the books here are my picks for Superbowl XLI in Miami.

San Diego: Defense & LT. Phillip Rivers is an NFL quarterback. He'll keep getting better.

Baltimore: Just enough offense and as always defense. Air McNair's best days are behind him but he's still a #1 quarterback. Jamal Lewis can still run.

New England: Again good defense & offense. The running tandem of Dillion & Maroney will only become more potent as the new recievers (Gabriel & Jackson) get acclimated to the Patriots.

Cincinatti: Carson Palmer, Rudi Johnson & Chad Johnson "Where you at 85?"


Atlanta: Defense, Michael Vick & Warrick Dunn.

Dallas: Balanced defense & offense. Despite all the speculation on benchings and cutting Bledsoe & Vanderjagt will be fine. With or without Terrel Owens, Terry Glenn looks like he's headed for another thousand yard season.

Giants: Bigtime offense that's fun to watch. It would be sweet if Eli makes it to a Superbowl before his older brother Peyton. Eli has almost made me forget the tantrum he threw prior to being drafted.

Seattle: Picking up where they left off last year. Deion Branch only makes them better.

Quote of the week

"Ray Charles can see that he (Porter) can play,"
~ Oakland Raiders DT Warren Sapp, on inactive teamate WR Jerry Porter

"Go Raiders!"

lost in translation

Mostly we use white meat

We used white meat only

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

questionable promotion

Fudgems, the latest offering from the world renowned kitchens of Dominos, must have quite a following as she/he (assuming brownies have a sex) already has her/his own website.

In the current commercial, Fudgems gets a sloppy hug from a little girl. As she breaks the embrace little Sally is covered in "fudge". Even pure minds would be hard pressed not to imagine that Sally is covered in something other than fudge.

Having a brownie deliver brownies is a bit like a pig handing out bacon. Twisted.

Fudgems has a Spanish cousin named Brownito! Though, judging by the "What is Fudgems saying" and "Que dice brownito" sections of their respective websites they both seem to speak brownie.

From, Tip the Pizza Guy:

Do they earn the tip?

Absolutely. Drivers perform a service by bringing dinner to your door. They take on financial costs and difficulties, more than most people realize. Pizza delivery is considered a hazardous job by the US government. They are third most likely to be murdered on the job, right after police officer and taxi driver.

Check out some letters from delivery drivers.

Texarkana bound

Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make.
The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarkana.
And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes.

West bound and down, eighteen wheels are rollin',
we're gonna do what they say can't be done.

~ West Bound & Down, featured in Smokey & the Bandit

Falling, dead pigeons mar city festival

AP, 9/13/06

, Texas --Poisoned pigeons began nose-diving into pavement and dying on downtown sidewalks, marring the city's annual festival.

CapitalOne Bank President Lacy McMillen said in Tuesday's online edition of Texarkana Gazette. "It was not the intention of the bank to harm any of these birds."

Oh no? Isn't harm implied by the title exterminator?

McMillen said the bank hired an exterminator to handle its pigeon problem after a bird entered the bank and defecated on a customer.

I'm terribly sorry Mam. Would you like to apply for a no hassel credit card?

Fire Chief Robert Farstad had described the scene as birds "coming down like dive bombers."

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

you're joking, right?

Chevron Could Avoid Huge Royalties on New Field
Edmund L. Andrews
NY Times, 9/12/06

A group of oil companies led by Chevron, which said last week that they had discovered a huge new oil field in the Gulf of Mexico, could avoid more than $1 billion in royalty payments to the federal government for the oil.

Chevron and its partners, Devon Energy and Statoil ASA of Norway, have six leases in the Jack oil field, about 175 miles off the coast of Louisiana. Two of the leases allow the companies to avoid royalties on as much as 87.5 million barrels of oil per lease.

The benefit, known as royalty relief, was supposed to be halted if the price of oil climbed above $36 a barrel. But that restriction was omitted on all leases signed in 1998 and 1999, including the two held by Chevron and its partners.

Why are these corporations recieving any kind of relief & don't tell me it's to spur development. That dog won't hunt. If there is money to be made the oil companies will be there. The relief just increases their upside. How do you omit such an important clause?

The exact value of the potential break on federal payments will depend both on the price of oil and how much of it comes from the two leases. At $70 a barrel, the Chevron group could save about $1.5 billion in royalties if the government agreed that both leases were contributing to Chevron’s production.

Even before Chevron and its partners confirmed the discovery last week, the Government Accountability Office, the investigative arm of Congress, had estimated that the Treasury could lose as much as $20 billion over the next 25 years.

According to Congressional aides, the inspector general has uncovered evidence that midlevel Interior Department officials warned as recently as July that a new batch of leases could cost the government billions of dollars beyond the original misstep.

But Mr. Devaney is also expected to say that the Interior Department continues to suffer from a “lack of accountability.” Investigators have combed through 5,000 e-mail messages and are believed to have found some written as recently as this summer in which frustrated midlevel officials warned that the Interior Department had not fixed the bureaucratic and procedural problems that led to the original mistake.

Monday, September 11, 2006


Thoughts on Game I

Let me get this straight, the broadcast that once featured Howard Cosell, Dandy Don and Frank Gifford is now hosted by Joe Theisman, Tony Kornheiser and Mike Tirico?

Kornheiser's presence baffles me. Did ESPN search for the most offensive commentator in the U.S.? The network ditched the equally offensive Paul Maguire for this guy? The programmers thought fans would want to listen to this know it all prig?

Kornheiser(second from left) looks like he has an impacted bowl.

I would describe the broadcast as lifeless.

Bonnie Bernstein needs to fix her hair.

I miss Al Michael's voice. Though in recent years he had fallen too much in love with the large one; praising or deferring to the whale entirely to much. I think the gamorrean guard had threatened to eat him.

Joe Theisman REALLY loves Brad Johnson.

Jamie Foxx brought nothing to my evening. He was talking about Tom Cruise!?

It's hard to take a screaming man with a hog nose seriously. Actually, maybe we should take him very seriously.

Early Thoughts on Game II

~ I wonder if Dick Vermeil is going to cry. I promise to go see Invincible. You're awesome Dick! I mean that.

~ What is going on with Joey Porter? How did he manage to go from being the number two receiver at the close of last season to being inactive in week one?

Intracity Roadtrip

Took the leg on a tour of the city yesterday.


Tender Greens, Culver City (Hot Plate with: grilled chicken, baby arugula salad, yukon gold mashed potatoes & Boont Amber. Affordable, healthy food, fast.)

CCA, West LA (I felt like I was on a not so hidden video show.)

Hotel Figueroa, Downtown LA (Negro Modelo. Moroccan Oasis filled with foreign nationals.)

Including this fellow who had quite an extended post bathing ritual and smashing taste in loungewear.

Barbara's @ the Brewery (Fish tacos & Duvel. I felt like I was in LA's take on Max Fish.)

Traxx Bar, Union Station (The bar was empty so we toured Union Station)

Phillippe's, Downtown LA (Beef French dip sandwich & Dos Equis Amber. Will we ever truly know if Phillipe Mathieu or Henry Cole invented the French Dip? Is it possible that the sandwich could have arisen independently twice in the same city?)