Thursday, December 28, 2006

now playing

I enjoyed some of the more dated aspects of the movie, a phonograph record of a bugged conversation, seltzer bottles on the tables at a nite club & smoke filled conference rooms.

Here are some great lines.

Alicia to Devlin: "Huh, go away and leave me alone. I have my own live to live. Good Times, that's what I want and laughs with people I like and no underhanded cops . . ."

Alicia to Devlin: "Well handsome, I think you better tell momma what's going on or all this secrecy is gonna ruin my dinner."

Devlin's Superior: "I think those remarks about my wife were uncalled for."

Madame Sebastian to Alex Sebastian: "We are protected by the enormity of your stupidity."

Devlin on Alicia: "She looked like the ragged end of nowhere."

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

behold the boot

Swapped out my splint for a boot today. Return trip scheduled for next week.

The pin sites have already scabbed over.

The Delfonics' Didn't I Blow Your Mind, was playing when I got in the access van. I was tempted to pull out a line from Jackie Brown.

MAX CHERRY: This is pretty.


MAX: Who is this?

JACKIE: The Delfonics.

MAX: '76?

JACKIE: '74, I think.

MAX: It's nice.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Christmas wrap up

O Tannenbaum

We went to Benihana for Christmas dinner. The place was packed. Who knew Benihana was the place to be on Christmas.

There was a real battle of the sexes on Christmas day television. NBC was offering professional football in a cold northeastern city. While ABC was presenting, A Very Soapy Christmas, which at first read sounds slightly pornographic but in reality was a behind the scenes look at soap opera stars recording a Christmas album.

I wonder how many happy family gatherings were disrupted over the choice. I opted for football.

Are the Eagles going to the Superbowl with former back up Jeff Garcia leading the way?

I was shocked to see Carrie Underwood & Tony Romo flirting. What happened to Jess Simpson? Is there gonna be a showdown at the Grammy awards?

Monday, December 25, 2006

the book was better

This weeks' literary entertainment, Eddie Felson & Roy Hobbs. To hell with Memo Paris & Bert Gordon.

rip godfather

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Happy Holidays


Friday, December 22, 2006

Season's Greetings

Thursday, December 21, 2006

we only just met

Colorful Turkmen leader dies
Burt Herman, AP, 12/21/06

The world has lost a giant. President Saparmurat Niyazov of Turkmenistan died Thursday (I wonder which family member Thursday is named after) of heart failure.

There's nothing quite like a leader erecting statues of themselves or putting their face on their nation's currency to announce that they're completely insane. Of course that wasn't even half the story with ol' "Turkmenbashi," or the "Father of all Turkmen".

From the AP article:

"He's on every banknote and coin, his name proclaimed on billboards lining every main street. Golden statues of him are a landmark in every town. He was on TV and in newspapers, in schools and offices -- his portrait even graces the cabin in planes run by the state airline."

"All offices and schools are required to have rooms dedicated to studying a pseudo-philosophical tome authored by Niyazov called "Rukhnama," or "Book of the Soul."

I wonder how this will affect the price of Turkmeni time pieces.

cinch 'er up


"The LAP-BAND® System is an adjustable gastric band designed to help you lose excess body weight, improve weight-related health conditions and enhance quality of life. It reduces the stomach capacity and restricts the amount of food that can be consumed at one time."

Dig the animated video for a look at the adjustable port. Twisted.

The language on the website is very odd. The band is referred to as a "system" and people are encouraged to enroll. Enrollment makes me think of adult education classes not gastric surgery.

I used the calculator to see if I qualified for lap band surgery. I entered my correct height and age (6'5" & 31) but threw in a bogus weight of 270 pounds and recieved the following diagnosis.

"Based on your BMI, you do not qualify for LAP-BAND® System surgery at this time."

"But, if you’d like us to stay in touch with you, and receive our informative newsletter, please provide us with your email address."

Stay in touch? What for, in case I put on more weight?

I increased my weight by ten pounds until I qualified. The scales tipped at 310 pounds. If I'm 300 and serious about loosing weight, I'm gonna put on ten more pounds and enroll

Incidentally, I mistyped 300 and found that 3000 pounds also works. It's a little thing, but the calculator should only include reasonable human weights. Unless in fact the lap band is being marketed for large non human mammals, say for instance the Asian Elephant.

cage free

We're not talkin' eggs here. The freakshow is now closed. It's just another broken leg. No one asks about those. My leg was in the oven for 11 months.

The doctors removed my cage on Wednesday night and put my leg in a splint. I go in next week to get a walking boot. They were out of large size boots.

Wednesday, 3:00 PM

Nurse: Where'd she put your heplock?
CMF: Right here (motions to the inside of his wrist just below his palm)
Nurse: When they put it there you have no veins left.
CMF: Great.
Nurse to Nurse attendant: Look at that, when they put it there you have no veins.

9:30 PM
Nurse: Do you know what your going into surgery for?
CMF: A sex change.
Nurse: Are you sure?
CMF: Yeah, I've wanted one for a long time.

OR Transport: Any of your own clothes on under there?
CMF: No, I took my panties off.

Thursday, 6:30 AM

Female nurse #1: Morning! Did you Pee Pee?
CMF (waking from a sound sleep): No

7:00 AM
Female nurse #2: Did you poop?
CMF (waking again): Nope

7:30 AM
Female nurse #3: Did you pee?
CMF (waking yet again, groaning): Nooo! Why do people keep waking me up and asking me that?
Female nurse #3: If you pee, we can remove your I.V.
CMF: Lemme know there's a goal next time.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

mnf recap


I don't know what bitterness units are but I know what 7.5% is. $4.99/six

Fans got to see on half of the shootout they expected. Indy's defense, Dwight Freeney in particular, finally showed up. Cincy's defense which had looked sharp for the last four games sputtered.

Michael Irvin was wearing the largest, ugliest tie I've ever seen.

It was great to hear Wooderson's motto from the man himself.

"Man, it's the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. If it ain't that piece of paper, there's some other choice they're gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N. "

Monday, December 18, 2006

keep the change

I recently cancelled my land line. Apparently I over paid my last bill, so AT&T sent me a check for 42 cents. Couldn't they have just credited the debit card account that I used to pay the bill?

Let's see a 39 cent stamp, the check & the envelope let alone the check generator & stuffer be it human, monkey or computer and I think we're well over 42 cents. So what's their motivation?

I wonder how much money AT&T makes annually off of uncashed .42 checks.

I really want to go into the bank and cash just the check. "Four dimes & two pennies, please." Or maybe I'll put half of it in savings and take the rest in cash er, change.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

well, now everybody knows

Sierra's Grandma's Secret Buffalo Wing Sauce
Recipe courtesy Arnette Rauh
Show: All American Festivals
Episode: National Buffalo Wing Festival

2 cups vegetable oil
10 whole, fresh chicken wings, cut in pieces (20 wing pieces)
1 stick butter
4 tablespoons brown sugar
5 tablespoons tomato sauce
1/4 teaspoon garlic
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon oregano, fresh or dried
Dash beer

1 dash hot sauce (recommended: Frank's Hot Sauce)

More like not so secret sauce.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

friday will now be my wife

I wasn't aware of this particular despot.

"In neighboring Turkmenistan, President Saparmurat Niyazov — a despot who requires all clocks to bear his likeness and renamed the days of the week after his family — "
~NY Times

Attempts to find a picture of a Turkmen watch or clock have proved fruitless. Sight unseen a Turkmeni time piece just shot up to the top of my Christmas list.

"President Saparmurat NIYAZOV retains absolute control over the country and opposition is not tolerated."
~CIA Factbook

The factbook lists the U.S. Ambassador job as vacant. I bet that seat won't sit empty for long. Think of it as a throw back to a brighter era of iron fisted dictators. Who wouldn't want the job? Turkmenistan seems like a nice country to work in. After all, the U.S.' present regime has taught me not judge a country too harshly based on its leaders.

Thursday, December 14, 2006


Complaining about ticketmaster fees is akin to the whining about how bad the cafeteria food is or paying taxes. Nobody wants to hear another complaint, so I never published this post from September.

Someone in the federal government should call for an investigation of ticketmaster.

I recently paid $137.60 via ticketmaster for two concert tickets, $27.60 of which was in convenience charges. That's 20%, which is higher than any state sales tax in the nation.

I can't believe they are being considered for the national parks campground reservation concession. (It's now a done deal, ticketmaster under the name of Reserve America is in charge) The federal government couldn't get a few programmers together to write some code for a reservation system?

Well, it's not the federal government (ticketmaster must spend millions lobbying in Washington, especially in light of their National Park concession) but someone is finally taking a closer look.

From the Boston Globe:

Adding too much to ticket prices

"Legislator plans to take hard look at fees tacked for entertainment, sports events"

I hope Senator Morrissey has better luck than Pearl Jam did.

everything must go

One for $2.49 or Four for $10 ($2.50 per bottle)

What's the extra 4 cents for, the srink wrap?

what do you do all day?

I watch movies & read.

I was on a Frank Capra kick this week. I officially have a crush on Jean Arthur.

Cynicism must be tempered.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

which is bigger

When does a bump become a hump? Are the differences well defined? Who makes the call? Is there an international governing body?

I've been dynamized

The Doctor loosened the 16 nuts on my transport (the middle two) rings. The rings are now free to move up and down though the pins are still connected to the bone. A little odd. My next appointment is in two weeks. This is the last step before removal. If my leg swells or hurts more than normal I'm suppose to tighten the bolts. If there is no abnormal swelling or pain that signals that I'm ready to shed the cage. There's still a chance I could be in pants for Christmas dinner.

The ride home featured an extended conversation with an Avon Lady. I now know more about the dynamics of Avon sales than any non makeup wearer should know. Who knew there are Avon deadbeats; women who order "product" and don't pay for months or in the example cited 2.5 years.

Monday, December 04, 2006

mnf recap

Sly Stallone is my favorite non-sport celebrity(technically he is a sports celebrity) to visit the booth to date. Those who tuned in for the pregame show were treated to two doses of Balboa. Some day I have to run up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, in a bad gray sweat suit with, Eye of the Tiger blasting on the ipod.

It was great to hear Sly bellow, "Yo Adrian!". I just hope he's not doing it for quarters in the Poconos in a few years.

Worst use of the English language

"Donovan McNabbless Philly offense" ~Mike Tirico

I wonder if Philadelphia is going to draft a quaterback next year. When D Mac is on the field he is one of the best but his durability is definitely in question. McNabb has missed significant time in three out of the last five seasons. In 2002, he missed six games due to a broken ankle. In 2005, a hernia that required surgery forced him to shut down his season before Thanksgiving. This year McNabb suffered a torn ACL in week twelve.

Non MNF Thoughts

Rough loss for the horses on Sunday night. I don't think Jessica Simpson will be leaving Tony Romo for Jay Cutler.

NCAA Thoughts

In case you missed it, while USC was tripping on their way to Glendale the Minutemen got it done.

UMass Tops UNH 24-17, Advances To NCAA Semifinals

No. 3 Minutemen to face No. 2 Montana on the road
UMASS WILL PLAY MONTANA AT 7:30 p.m.(ET)/5:30 p.m. (MT) ON FRIDAY NIGHT. The game will be televised nationally on ESPN2 in HD.

I would have liked to see an Ohio State vs. Michigan rematch for the National Championship. Do you think Michigan will schedule a game at the end of the year next season? I think the Rose Bowl (USC vs. Michigan) might be the better game.

Florida's selection over Michigan highlights the need for a four team playoff.

I can't believe that UCLA at 7-5 and with a four game loosing streak is going to a bowl game.

Friday, December 01, 2006

not at the gnomes' expense I won't

There's no way that that can be comfortable for the gnomes.

it's just shampoo, right?

From my shampoo bottle:

Directions: Massage into wet hair and indulge in the luxurious lather. Surrender to to the intoxicating fragrance. Rinse when ready.

I'm not sure what sort of sin the sick folks at clairol are are promoting but I'm slightly alarmed that people would need instructions for shampooing.