Tuesday, June 27, 2006

8 months on the bed

I wanna right a book with that title

When I had a studio apartment I dreamt of living on my bed for a year. Everything would have to have been pulled in towards the bed but only slightly as the room was 10' x 15'. Document it via film & pen. The descent the rise.

Now I'm doing the lite version of that same diet

quarter million dollar man

Full disclosure

Just got off the phone with a very nice billing clerk

I owe $123K for my inpatient stay @ County Harbor UCLA

I also owe $123K for my inpatient stay @ UCLA Westwood

There are miscellaneous bills for about $10K.

These are not fathomable numbers to me

I'm $233K in the hole. That's a nice graduate degree or a beachfront villa in baja. I have an expensive leg. It buys all sorts of lavish gifts. And the shoes, you should see the shoes.


Do you have your medical records?

I raised my leg. "I brought this."


They are half a foot thick, so I don't roll with them.



It's great that you've held up.

Yeah I thought I was gonna hit the wall & go crazy at some point but if it hasn't happened yet I think I'll make it.


the wheels of progress move slowly, but they are moving


About Us

Perhaps our "Very Open" neon sign drew you to our open front door. We invite you and your loved ones to experience the healing process that begins in our waiting room. An eclectic mix of music, often from a live performance, caresses your ears while your eyes are astounded by our art collection and other mysterious nuances. You may choose to sip on our selection of complementary organic juices, help yourself to fresh fruit, and flip through a book as you lounge on one of our comfy couches. You might notice the smell of an orchid array, tickling your nose. Yes, you are simply in The Farmacy's waiting room; entering the dispensary is the next level of our organic healing process, a privilege given to our registered patients.

The Medical Marijuana Farmacy is a compassionate collective for patients possessing a doctor's recommendation for medical cannabis. All patients must bring their original doctor's recommendation for us to verify along with a current California State ID or California State driver's license. There is no fee to become a member of our patient registry, nor are you solely bounded to our dispensary for your organic needs.

In the collective, you may consult our in-house herbalist for suggestions on organic, herbal (non-cannabis) remedies to be used separately or in conjunction with medical cannabis. We also offer our patients a complementary adjustment from our chiropractor in addition to a ten minute massage from our massage therapist. It is not uncommon for management to initiate a one-shot basket game where the reward is a one-way ticket to Hawaii. Why a one-way ticket, you ponder? That feeling of hope and wonder about unknown territory is part of the mysterious nuances of our compassionate caregiving.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Son of Sam

Neighbor's dogs barking? Are they driving you insane, telling you to do stuff? Do you wanna make 'em stop?

It's not an easy process, here's how:

Note: Barking dogs are not a criminal offense in LA county. Call the cops all you want. They will gladly stop by the offending address and let the occupant know that their neighbors are complaining, but that is all they are empowered to do.

Step 1
Submit a "Barking Dog" complaint letter to the SPCA. A Notice of Abatement (aka shut your mutts up letter) will be mailed to the owners. The Notice to Abate will give the owner 7-10 days to quell the beast(s) or in SPCA eze, "correct the barking dog problem."

Step 2
If the owner does not comply, call the SPCA and request that an animal control officer contact the offending beast's owner. The owner then has another 7-10 day period in which to comply.

Step 3
If Cujo is still on the loose after 10 days, contact the SPCA again and request a petition. The petition must be filled out and signed by three neighbors and returned to the SPCA. The completed petition will be presented to the District Attourney's office for consideration.

Step 4
If the petition is accepted, appear in court and testify against fido. If the case is decided against the owner, the judge will order that the animals be fitted with bark collars.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

it's a bird, it's a plane

Human Flight Inovations

Find the perfect colour combination for your wingsuit with our colouring program.

The vampire 2 retails for $1250.

Monday, June 19, 2006

shark fin soup?

yeah, and how about some panda skewers & a bald eagle omelet

just don't do it

while you're at it, give up the tiger bone, bear gall bladder & rhinoceros horn school of medicine

Shark Fin Soup: An Eco-Catastrophe?

by Hank Pellissier, special to SF Gate
Monday, January 20, 2003

"Shark-fin soup was just a regional delicacy in Canton, south China, until the late 1980s. The Beijing government had derided shark-fin soup as a symbol of elitism, but it ended this stance in 1987. Increased East Asian affluence quickly made shark-fin soup popular at wedding banquets, birthdays, feasts and business dinners, as a way of honoring guests. The demand has escalated astronomically in the last 15 years, and now it's a standard dish."

""Finning" refers to the practice of cutting off only the shark fins and discarding the body. Sometimes sharks are dead when they're pulled into the boats, but often, they're still alive as their four fins are cut off with a knife. When they're thrown back into the ocean the sharks either bleed to death, or they drown, because sharks can't swim without fins, and they need to go forward to get oxygen. Divers have discovered hundreds of dead finned sharks at the bottom of the ocean in huge shark graveyards."

"Fifty percent of sharks are bycatch -- they're accidentally caught by boats that are looking for tuna, swordfish or other fish. Many of the boats don't want to keep the entire shark, so they just fin them. This greatly increases the amount of sharks killed, because a fishing boat can hold an enormous amount of fins."

Sunday, June 18, 2006

the nitemare is real

Army plea as toxic toads march on
By Phil Mercer
BBC News, Darwin

Officials in Western Australia have called for the army to be deployed to stop an invasion of cane toads.

The state government has written to its federal counterpart in Canberra, asking for permission to use troops as a first line of defence.

Will the troops be wearing their helmets for this operation? Are we talking a full scale military operation; artillery, tanks, planes, landmines, automatic weapons, reconacense? Will the Geneva Convention be adhered to?

"Jesus Bob one of 'em is getting by you! Shoot it! Shoot!"

One member of Australia's federal parliament has previously suggested that people should beat them with a golf club or a cricket bat.

Ahhh, the troops will be supplied with bats & clubs.

Animal welfare groups have said that the humane way to get rid of these invaders is to put them into a freezer until they die.

How is slowly freezing any more humane than electrocution or a gunshot?

I think someone should call Sam Elliot and ask him what he did back in 1972.

"It is legal. But is it appropriate?"

Enough to make you scream. There must be DC surgeon that specializes in conscience removal or these former public servents were born without them.

Former Antiterror Officials Find Industry Pays Better

Eric Lipton

Saturday, June 17, 2006

downtown Los Angeles in 27 minutes!

Yes ladies & gentlemen the future is here. Ride from the westside to downtown in the comfort of our air conditioned cars. No longer must you leave work at 2 pm to make it to the symphony on time. Come experience convenient mass transit.

Exposition Metro Line

The Exposition Light Rail line will be approximately 9 miles in length. It parallels the heavily congested I-10 Freeway, and is scheduled to open in June 2010.

Approximately eight new stations will be constructed between downtown Los Angeles and Culver City, with an estimated travel time of 27 minutes.

Landscaping is a particularly important element in creating the Exposition Light Rail line as a transit parkway. When it opens, the Exposition Light Rail line will feature over 2,000 trees and 450,000 shrubs and vines. In fact, trees removed during preconstruction will be replaced at a 3:1 ratio (three trees planted for every tree removed).

The estimated cost of the project to Culver City is $640 million. A future second phase would extend the Exposition line to the City of Santa Monica.

Ride your bicycle downtown without getting run over. Get out of your car. Experience LA.

Wait a second, this all seems so familiar.


"Although the State of California has a car culture reputation, rail mass transit is no stranger to the City of Los Angeles. From 1874 to 1963 there have always been some type of fixed rail system in Los Angeles. During the 1920s and through much of the 1940s Los Angeles had the world's largest rail transit system with 1100 track miles, operated by the Pacific Electric Railway. These was not slow streetcar lines but rather high speed interurban rail lines with trains that ran on their own right of ways between Los Angeles and the suburbs. Back then most traveled by train and didn't own a car since they were expensive to own and operate. Many residential buildings were built without garages. After all, who needed a car and a garage when there was an excellent transportation system available. Then came the automobile, freeways, and the conspiracy."

"At first automobiles were too expensive for the average paycheck until the late 20s when prices came down, sales went up and rail ridership started to decline. This was made even worse in the late 40s with the opening of Los Angeles's first freeways (called parkways then) which made traveling by car more convenient and enjoyable. However, these were not the only reasons for the demise of the Los Angeles rail system and rail systems around the world. A consortium of oil, rubber, General Motors and other companies bought up rail lines worldwide then replaced interurbans and streetcars with buses. By 1961 the last remaining interurban rail line in Los Angeles went out of service and in 1963 the last streetcar line shut down."
-Los Angeles Transit System

Thursday, June 15, 2006

non-lethal enforcement

A variety of non-lethal nets that can be hand-deployed or fired from 37mm or 40mm grenade launchers are being developed by Foster-Miller Inc. of Waltham, MA. The anti-personnel system consists of three versions: Sticky Net, a net containing a nontoxic adhesive coating making escape nearly impossible; Snare Net, a personnel entanglement net; and Sting Net, which employs a high-voltage pulse generator to quickly immobilize armed combatants and other highly dangerous individuals.
-New, Non-lethal Technologies Offer More Options to Police
by Robert Hausman

*countless spider man fantasies have now come to fruition

, aka the stink bomb
Working for the Pentagon, the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia has formulated smells so repellent that they can quickly clear a public space of anyone who can breathe — partygoers, rioters, even enemy forces. Scientists have tested the effectiveness of such odors as vomit, burnt hair, sewage, rotting flesh and a potent concoction known euphemistically as "U.S. Government Standard Bathroom Malodor." But don't expect to get a whiff anytime soon. Like all gaseous weapons, malodorants once released are hard to control, and their use is strictly limited by international chemical-weapons treaties.
-Beyond the Rubber Bullet
By Lev Grossman
Time, 6/15/06

*note: preliminary research was conducted on the NYC metro system

thanks for the bone

Bush Plans Vast Protected Sea Area in Hawaii
New York Times
Published: June 15, 2006

There must not be any oil or other economic gain to be had in the region.

President George, it's nice that you're protecting such a large swath of biodeversity but unless you make an effort to slow global warming the reefs will be gone. Reefs live in a very small temperature range, sorry to talk fooy science.

"Come on Johnson, tell 'em we'll give 'em Hawaii for the Arctic NWR."
-w to epa chief stephen johnson

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

why don't you try that again

cynical dug it up:

Catheterisation Trainer

The person that inserted my catheter could have used a little more practice.

CF: "This thing's not in right."
Nurse: "It's fine."
CF: "It doesn't feel right."

No one believed me until I was lying on wet sheets.

Benefits & features of the 60273:

-Fosters the correct handling of the male anatomy
-Incorporates a supple urethra and gently resistant sphincter providing a realistic response
-External look and feel is realistic
-Skin surface is washable using soap and water
-Replacement bladders & penises are available
-Optional audio mode features the shrieking voice of an actual patient. Consider model 602 the Teddy Ruxpin of catheter trainers

"Good lord Virgina, what are you doing with that trainer!?"

Mother, they're still not sure it is a baby!

According to vh1 it's been 57 days and there hasn't been a single sighting of Tom Cruise's baby, "Suri". I fear he may have sired the baby from eraserhead.

The proud parents


He broke even

I'm not faulting ol' Brewster Baker for the cheesey Barona Valley Ranch Resort & Casino** commercials & billboards; the man has to make a living, and it is where, "The Real Players Play," but this can't be the same man that sang, "Coward of the County" & "The Gambler".

Here's a picture of how I choose to remember him

And lastly the boyhood photo

**"After thousands of years of peaceful life in San Diego County, the late 1700's began more than 200 years of hardship for Native Americans, that is when the Spanish soldiers and missionaries arrived and the Spanish Era began in 1769."

"In 1891, the federal government established the Capitan Grande Reservation for the native people living in that area at that time. About 40 years later in 1932, the city literally bought the Capitan Grande Reservation to build a reservoir."

"A strong and supportive community, the Barona Tribe is proud of its independence and self-reliance. The reservation features its own school, fire station, gas station, church, and community center. Tied together architecturally with the theme of a 1930's ranch, intended to honor the founders of the Barona Indian Reservation, the Barona Valley Ranch Resort & Casino attests to the vision, conviction, and determination of the Barona Band of Mission Indians."

"In the Tribe’s continual efforts to preserve their culture, the reservation is also home to the Barona Cultural Center & Museum, a unique hands-on educational museum. Displays of handmade pottery, reed baskets, paintings, arrowheads, and other artifacts - over 2,000 in all - date back thousands of years, and bring to life the rich culture and history of San Diego's Native American community."


Sunbather's Death Puts Focus on SUV Patrols
By Catherine Saillant, Times Staff Writer
June 14, 2006

"Oxnard police officers patrolling the beach in a sport utility vehicle had run over and killed the 49-year-old Sioux City woman as she sunbathed."

status quo

Had a leg appointment today, the two separate peices of my tibula are about to "dock".

"Keep doing what your doing. We'll see you in three weeks."

In three weeks they should know if I'll need a bone graft or not.

County was quiet except for the guy who kept telling me I needed to fill my ipod with porn. He's got some girls gone wild movies that he wants to loan me.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

baja burgers

met then owner of baja burgers at a bar last night

the man is a visionary - he's franchising throughout Mexico

". . . so after years of extensive research we believe we have found the way to make the perfect burger. Starting with the lightly toasted bottom bun we add a layer of mustard for the fresh grilled patty to rest upon. Next we lay a nice thick slab of cheddar cheese followed by a layer of red onions(which caramelizes),then we put down a layer of dill pickle chips(which forms a barrier) for the fresh slices of tomatoes and iceburg lettuce. Finishing up with a generous layer of mayo and topped with lightly toasted buttery top bun. When eaten properly will result in an explosion of tangy, hot, beefy, cheesey, crispy, taste bud rejoicing experience in every bite."

mr. burger took a shine to me as he had been a severe motorcycle accident back in '94 - he bought me a dram of herbal liqueur as a sign of solidarity

besides his desire to touch my leg and some rantings about citizenship & and the illegality of the irs's 1040 form he was a great guy

he gave us the run down on how to make the perfect french fry:

1) soak fresh cut fries in saline solution for 6 hrs
2) fry for 3 minutes in oil
3) remove and refrigerate overnight
4) fry for an additional 3 minutes

big trucks are cool


the fruits of the military industrial complex

the defense section is what you want - be sure to watch the videos

I'm not sure if the truck manufacturers are the same folks that make the overalls I loved as a kid. Can you imagine the difficulty at the switch board: "ATV's? No, we make pants sir."

In big stick diplomacy, choices have to be made. Every tank built means a child goes without healthcare. Proponents would say it keeps us free, but the last time I looked no one was trying to enslave us. That fact seems apparent unless you're worried about what the russians are putting in our water. So I imagine what they mean is, "keep us number 1".

The biggest expense in war is not cruise missles that go for about a million a pop or armament but fuel aka oil to transport the military & it's equipment. The hybrid humvee is a few years from production.

push on


ah, the species, awkward yet blameless...

"It is important for the human race to spread out into space for the survival of the species," Hawking said. "Life on Earth is at the ever-increasing risk of being wiped out by a disaster, such as sudden global warming, nuclear war, a genetically engineered virus or other dangers we have not yet thought of."



filthy little bipeds

"we have caused our own destruction. The new world is
now old. Go forth & plunder the cosmos brave


drive on to new old worlds, the demodex in our eyelashes demand it of us, we are merely the vehicle species! "your own mites..." filthy bipeds indeed!

...The demodex mite is a tiny parasitic mite which lives around human hair follicles, particularly those of the eyelashes and eyebrows
...An estimated 96-98% of all people carry such mites - with up to 25 in each follicle, each person can have a potentially huge population of mites.
...It is quite easy to look for your own demodex mites, by carefully removing an eyelash or eyebrow hair and placing it under a microscope.
...Interestingly, the mite's digestive system is so efficient and results in so little waste that there is no excretory orifice.

*a model of efficency!


urban fringe

Shinjuku Homeless Cardboard Houses