cinch 'er up

Lap-Band

"The LAP-BAND® System is an adjustable gastric band designed to help you lose excess body weight, improve weight-related health conditions and enhance quality of life. It reduces the stomach capacity and restricts the amount of food that can be consumed at one time."
~lap-band.com

Dig the animated video for a look at the adjustable port. Twisted.

The language on the website is very odd. The band is referred to as a "system" and people are encouraged to enroll. Enrollment makes me think of adult education classes not gastric surgery.

I used the calculator to see if I qualified for lap band surgery. I entered my correct height and age (6'5" & 31) but threw in a bogus weight of 270 pounds and recieved the following diagnosis.

"Based on your BMI, you do not qualify for LAP-BAND® System surgery at this time."

"But, if you’d like us to stay in touch with you, and receive our informative newsletter, please provide us with your email address."

Stay in touch? What for, in case I put on more weight?

I increased my weight by ten pounds until I qualified. The scales tipped at 310 pounds. If I'm 300 and serious about loosing weight, I'm gonna put on ten more pounds and enroll

Incidentally, I mistyped 300 and found that 3000 pounds also works. It's a little thing, but the calculator should only include reasonable human weights. Unless in fact the lap band is being marketed for large non human mammals, say for instance the Asian Elephant.