cage free

We're not talkin' eggs here. The freakshow is now closed. It's just another broken leg. No one asks about those. My leg was in the oven for 11 months.



The doctors removed my cage on Wednesday night and put my leg in a splint. I go in next week to get a walking boot. They were out of large size boots.



Wednesday, 3:00 PM
Nurse: Where'd she put your heplock?
CMF: Right here (motions to the inside of his wrist just below his palm)
Nurse: When they put it there you have no veins left.
CMF: Great.
Nurse to Nurse attendant: Look at that, when they put it there you have no veins.

9:30 PM
Nurse: Do you know what your going into surgery for?
CMF: A sex change.
Nurse: Are you sure?
CMF: Yeah, I've wanted one for a long time.

OR Transport: Any of your own clothes on under there?
CMF: No, I took my panties off.

Thursday, 6:30 AM
Female nurse #1: Morning! Did you Pee Pee?
CMF (waking from a sound sleep): No

7:00 AM
Female nurse #2: Did you poop?
CMF (waking again): Nope

7:30 AM
Female nurse #3: Did you pee?
CMF (waking yet again, groaning): Nooo! Why do people keep waking me up and asking me that?
Female nurse #3: If you pee, we can remove your I.V.
CMF: Lemme know there's a goal next time.