better bone by design

The morning they were gonna cut me open I woke up to my parapalegic roomate telling a nurse.

"I don't have to do jack shit!"

Perioperative (Occurring during a surgical operation) Forms:

Triple redundancy.

All involved parties (nursing, anesthesiology & orthopaedics) have their own form. They all ask the same questions. I'm going to make up an answer sheet for my next surgery.

- Why are you here? You don't know? Surgery

- What happened? Motorcycle accident, open tibia fracture

- When? 10/28/05

- Have you had any surgeries previously? Are you joking? This is number six on the leg.

- Have you had any transfusions? Yes, three units.

- Allergies to medicine? Food? Latex? No. No. No.

- Health Problems? You mean besides the leg? I'm healthy no high blood pressure, diabetes, lung disease, or tb, just the bum leg.

- Are you in pain? What number is your pain level on a scale of 1-10? It hovers around a 6 or 7 these days.

- What are your major concerns about the procedure? Not waking up & not being able to walk.

- Current medication? Bactrim DS twice a day

- Smoker? Quit the day of the accident, 10/28/05. Prior to that for how many years did you smoke? Five. How much? 1/2 to a pack a day

- Alcohol? Lots of options here:
a) Yes, thank you a gin & tonic with a splash of grenadine & lime.
b) I drink everynight until I pass out. The OR nurse look up, shrugged in acknowledgement and began writting. I had to tell her I was joking
c) I'm a social drinker. Boring & a lie.

Surgery:



The last thing I saw before I went under was a picture of Jessica Alba. One of the OR nurses showed me a magazine picture and said, "Think good thoughts bro."


*This is not me, though I got to wear the same sexy hairnet.

I was laid out in the Jesus pose. That joke brought the house down again. I can't believe they haven't heard it before. The last time I used that joke the nurse lowered my arms slightly. Maybe they're not used to people being so irreverent prior to going under the knife.

They filled me full of actifuse.



"Actifuse is a new class of synthetic bone graft from ApaTech. Combining an optimized osteoconductive scaffold with unique chemical properties, Actifuse creates the optimal synthetic graft for facilitating rapid and sustained bone ingrowth."

"Actifuse is a bone void filler intended only for orthopaedic applications as a filler for gaps and voids that are not intrinsic to the stability of the bony structure. Actifuse is indicated to be packed gently into bony voids or gaps of the skeletal system, i.e., extremities, spine, and pelvis. These defects may be surgically created osseous defects or osseous defects created from traumatic injury to the bone. The product provides a bone void filler that resorbs and is replaced by bone during the healing process."
-Apatech



I got a really bad sore throat from the anesthesia. They always warn you about the potential but this is my first experience with it. It hurts to swallow & feels similar to strep throat that goes all the way to the top of your lungs. Laughing & coughing are painful. Once again my mother knows me pretty well, " Keep up the fluids (hopefully not a lot of beer) to keep your throat moist and help it heal."

Recovery:

Softly
"Carl, Carl, Carl"
Followed by faint tapping
Oh man just lie here & pretend you're asleep, she'll go away.
"Carl, Carl"
Oh man she's not giving up.
Groggy
"Yeah, what?"
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, you woke me up to ask me that?"
"Yes, I'm sorry."
Now I feel like an asshole.
"No problem, thanks."

County is a busy place. I am always amazed at how smooth it actually functions and the ammount of work they are able to accomplish.